I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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