batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
