We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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