she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
