Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
