It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
