I just pynch a tree in the face
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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