And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
