Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We are two peas in an std pod
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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