i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
