Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
