don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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