Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
