Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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