i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
