No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were trust falling into bushes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
