I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
