Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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