i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
