I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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