First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We don't watch enough power rangers
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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