she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
