I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
