I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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