I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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