If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
