just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
