I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
