I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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