This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
