We're like a lot better than the average bears
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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