Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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