Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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