Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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