Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize