You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
