I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
