i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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