What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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