whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
