Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
