Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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