I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
