It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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