i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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