i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
