yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
