Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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