i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
