Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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