I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
