I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
