Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
