i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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