I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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