If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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