i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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