It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
