You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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