Well apparently he's into motor boating.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
